January 2012
10 posts
The Third Shift: I watch way too many debates. →
thethirdshift:
And every time I watch, I keep wondering what America those four white men on stage are talking about that the president is apparently trying to destroy, the one they all want to return to. Because based on my scholarship back in the day, it wasn’t that great a place to be if you weren’t white and…
"Skunked," A Short Play In One Act
marklisanti:
A 7-11 at 5:15 a.m.
Guy Buying A Half-Dozen 4 oz. Bottles Of Hydrogen Peroxide at a 7-11 at 5:15 a.m.: My dog just got skunked.
7-11 Cashier: [no response, rings up bottles]
Guy Buying A Half-Dozen 4 oz. Bottles Of Hydrogen Peroxide at a 7-11 at 5:15 a.m.: I’m not making meth!
7-11 Cashier: [no response, places bottles in plastic bag]
The guy takes his bag of peroxide bottles...
Greendale Central - another drawing I did (but I...
communitythings:
“Son of a bitch, I forgot to DVR “Rob” last night.”
– No One (via 1happyst)
I hate this No One guy. He and I have nothing in common.
December 2011
2 posts
November 2010
4 posts
October 2010
2 posts
September 2010
2 posts
Me: Wow, that girl over their has an amazing ass. Too bad she’s a butterface.
Her: A butterface?
Me: You know, everything about her is amazing but her face…a butterface.
Her: Oh, you mean a Bengal? Nice uniform, ugly helmet.
Me: … … The Bengals don’t have nice uniforms.
August 2010
3 posts
White People Use Twitter Like This. Black People... →
No mention of the excessive amount of extra consonants in twitter handles? What do you think SpicccyXXX?
Valley Cities Fight Weed Problem →
This is not the story I expected. I guess I’ve become too fucking suburban.
June 2010
2 posts
1happyst:
I’m sorry, but the fact that none of the teachers did anything about Billy the Kid pulling out his pistol and firing it into the air during Bill and Ted’s presentation was totally unrealistic.
Everything else about the movie was fine.
January 2010
1 post
November 2009
2 posts
I can’t wait for Dragon to start walking so that I can test my hypothesis which goes like this: Sweet, cute babies develop slower than mean ones because they have no reason to walk or crawl. They’re so nice that everyone always wants to be holding them and thus they never have to develop muscles. Rotten kids are left in a playpen or on a blanket by themselves at every opportunity...
October 2009
14 posts
Man Dies After Secret 4 Year Battle with Gorilla →
Lead story at The Onion right now. I don’t even want to read the post, that’s how good the headline is.
So I Guess I Won't Be Reading Slate Anymore →
Apparently Creed is good. They are underrated and hated because it is popular to do so and not because of their derivative lyrics, lack of musical imagination, and the fact that their lead singer is the biggest douche this side of Nickelback.
Next up: Menudo: Hot, Hot, Hot!
http://www.getonmyhorse.com/ →
1happyst:
hef:
1happyst:
The next internet meme that’s surely to sweep the nation my computer. I’ve been listening to this for 45 straight minutes. I now have an eye twitch.
Just passed one hour 40 minutes. Can’t. Stop.
Shut up Hef and get on my horse.
No. And if you continue to reblog this the universe (and all the other places too) will collapse on itself.
http://www.getonmyhorse.com/ →
1happyst:
The next internet meme that’s surely to sweep the nation my computer. I’ve been listening to this for 45 straight minutes. I now have an eye twitch.
Just passed one hour 40 minutes. Can’t. Stop.
1happyst:
Oh hi, Ford. How you doin’? Oh, good, good. Glad to hear it. Hey remember about 60 months ago when I bought that car from you? Yeah that was an exciting day. I wasn’t looking forward to the $415 payment each month, but I was excited for the new car. In fact I still have it. I’ve had to replace the tires and brakes and stuff, oh and the tie rod. That sucked. But other than that, I’ve...
An Open Letter to My Server Host
Dear Hosticant,
I’m not sure if you recall but when I was shopping for a new server a few months ago you said that if we used your service and upgraded to a VPS that this scenario would no longer be an issue. And by scenario I mean the shutting down of my website when a lot of people come by because they heard we did something interesting. This may come as a surprise, but we actually enjoy...
WatchWow. Just…wow.
There are two types of people in the world:
Those that don’t need to join the military to realize that Top Gun isn’t realistic and those that are gay.
My wife and I always joke about restaurants (usually chains) that we will never go to again. ”Put it on the list,” we’ll say. But we never actually write it down. And originally I was going to list in massive detail the places we would never go to again and why but then I decided it would just be easier to list the chain places we will go:
PF Changs/Pei Wei WildFlower Pita...
Wait, Why Am I So Excited?
Wife: We just got the bill for Dragon’s birth and it’s only $387.00
Hef: Holy shit. That’s awesome. HeJew2 cost us close to $3000. Then again our insurance was shittier and we paid less per month.
Wife: Still, I was expecting it to be 3 times that.
Hef: We should celebrate.
Overheard in the office, pwnage Edition
1happyst:
“Good story. My favorite part was at the end when you stopped talking.”
I plan on using this a lot.
September 2009
2 posts
HeJew2 has ripped his bandage off his hernia incision twice already and the superglue they put on the wound as well. Then he has the gall to complain that his stomach hurts. 2 year olds are retarded.